Health problems and a two-week admission to a mental health unit (I was there voluntarily, I wasn’t sectioned, I’m not quite that loopy) meant that 2017, didn’t start all that well but I’ve done all I can to recover well (and wisely).
I say wisely because Dr Morgan, the Shrewsbury ward consultant at the unit used the term Wise Determination in a discharge meeting and it still reverberates around my brain. I’m still searching for a proper, or even usable definition of it. The time I was admitted wasn’t fun, far from it, but my time spent there meant I could gain some perspective and make a decision, a determination, that I should finally do all I can to find a better headspace and find it permanently. I’m going to be living in and with my headspace for a long time, I may as well try and make it a nice place, rather than a place of anxiety and confusion. That determination needs a little more to back it up though, hence why on my part there needed to be strong and considered (wise) reasons why I should want to recover well.
After discharge from admission, I subsequently spent ten or so weeks in an outpatient group day treatment programme. During that time I got to know myself a little better and the way our tricky brains tick during that time and I can’t really describe to you just how beneficial that time was.
I don’t want this to be just another mental health blog among many, although of course it will be. Rather, it’s just a place where I can put down and communicate all of my overthinking, reflections and ruminations.
If there’s one thing I know and which you should know, it’s that I’m probably a far better writer than I am a speaker. Goodness knows why that is, I wish it were a little (read: very much) different but I can write down and explain far better than I could talk to someone about these things I’m learning and doing. Somebody with more specific knowledge than me would probably suggest that’s a trait of an autism. I was told by a Consultant Psychiatrist during a Shrewsbury pre-admission meeting that I could well be somewhere on the spectrum. He made Amy (my fiancé) read sections of a clinical textbook and point out the bits she recognised in there about me. I’m clearly a textbook case. It makes sense then that I should begin writing this.
I feel like I’ve made more personal progress in relation to improving my mental health over the remainder of 2017, than I have following previous (one and a bit) interludes where my over-busy brain has let me down. It’s been quite a path of discovery, one that I intend to stay on.